Posted by: starrystez | December 18, 2014

Blessed Christmas


I haven’t had much to say lately, just enjoying the peace. I have once again found myself in a calm state of (almost) pure awareness to the extent that few thoughts have crossed my mind in the last week or so. I seem to cycle from very painful, destructive thoughts to finding stability within a finer state of awareness than before. Staying in that awareness seems to be the challenge for me, and indeed the challenge for humanity. I am very glad to say that right now I am simply content in resting with what is, right here, right now.

I would like to wish everyone who follows my blog a very Merry Christmas in case I don’t write anything else before then. I am following other people’s blogs quite regularly so I haven’t disappeared, more taking a backseat. I am looking forward to two Christmas days – one on Wednesday with my son and two other family members, the second on Christmas day itself with my new boyfriend and his family.

Christmas means different things for everyone. Among all the gift buying and wrapping and looking forward to my own presents and a delicious Christmas dinner I like to reflect upon its spiritual meaning. I am not a Christian in the true sense of the word but I see spiritual truth everywhere, including but not limited to the story of Jesus. In his blessed birth we are reminded of the Christ Consciousness being born within us all via the Virgin (pure) state of consciousness, in whose innocence we all are in essence. Each of us expresses this Divine truth regardless of outer appearances. I take this truth and apply it to my life; hoping to offer loving kindness to myself, family, friends and even total strangers, excluding no one, just like no one is excluded in Spirit.

Merry Christmas and many blessings to you all year around, for in the light of Spirit we are truly blessed.

Posted by: starrystez | December 3, 2014

So grateful


Image from

Today I have had to accept the possible departure of someone who has been a huge part of my son’s life for a very long time and subsequently been a huge help to me. Unfortunately the circumstances surrounding this situation are not terribly pleasant although I’m not directly involved in what led to it. However, my sadness for all concerned that this might be a difficult goodbye quickly turned into immense gratitude that both myself and my son have had this woman in our lives for so long. She really has done so much for us, more than I could ever have expected of her.

I sent her a message earlier expressing my utmost gratitude for all she has done. I don’t know whether she will reply; it doesn’t matter. I’m really hoping she will visit my son if nothing else; she and I were never friends as such, but she did a huge amount to him and changed all our lives for the better as a result. Regardless of the outcome now, I know I did the right thing in telling her what a difference she has made. I have no need for a response. Gratitude brings its own reward. It truly is the most wonderful emotion to feel, even in the midst of sadness.

Posted by: starrystez | December 3, 2014

Polarity in dreams

I had a couple of interesting dreams last night that I thought I’d share. They were very different from one another, even quite reverse. In the first, I was back in Cyprus, where I had holidayed earlier in the year. Although I knew it was Cyprus it didn’t look anything like where I’d been. There was no beach or ocean. Instead I found myself walking through a valley and gazing up at beautiful mountains. I felt immense peace in my soul. Then I found myself looking down at what seemed to be toy villages – it was as if I was a giant or high in the air, seeing lots of tiny roads and buildings. I saw a statue of Virgin Mary but instead of Joseph she was standing next to a beautiful horse.

Then the dream changed and I was flicking through a photo album. I stopped at a photo of a member of my family, a relative who is younger than me. In real life we were brought up together and shared a very dysfunctional and troubled childhood. In adulthood she is struggling to find her path in life, still very disturbed, sadly using destructive ways of coping with issues she isn’t yet able to deal with. In my dream, however, she was a teenager and the photo depicted her as incredibly happy, wearing a bright beaming smile with pearl-white, perfect teeth. Her hair, whilst brown in real life, shone sunshine yellow in the dream and was draped over one shoulder in thick, wavy, healthy golden locks as she posed confidently and delightfully for the camera. In short, it was a picture of beauty. Even in the dream I recall thinking that this is how my relative would have been if our troubled past had not happened. I turned the page and there was a photo of myself. Initially I winced and turned away for I hate looking at myself, apparently even in dreams! Then I did turn back and was amazed to see myself looking happy with the same pearl-white set of teeth that my relative had. The teeth really stood out in both photos as being the most important element.

Rather sadly the dream ended at that point. It was a restless night with me waking constantly due to a bad headache the previous day and utter exhaustion. Paradoxically the more tired I am the worse I tend to sleep. However, I went into another dream not long after the above, but this one was different in every way.

In the second dream I was in some sort of building, perhaps a shop. I was with a few others but there was a sense we shouldn’t be there, that it was dangerous. I could see a shelf containing lots of marbles and I accidently knocked them off, alerting the source of the danger. We started to walk quickly out of a door, aware of danger following us. I found myself in another room, perhaps part of a shop, and in front of me stood what initially seemed to be a man, but on closer inspection there was something horribly wrong. His eyes and mouth were huge and dripping red with blood. I picked something up, not sure what, and threw it at him. This had no effect and he began to chase us. More and more of the same disfigured creepy people appeared. Somehow I realized they were zombies. I found myself outside in some sort of garden where I realized that my friends had been taken over and turned into zombies. There was blood everywhere. After being grabbed by a zombie I knew that I, too, had become one of them. I started to walk down the street looking for someone to attack.

Needless to say the second dream was disturbing although perhaps not as disturbing as one might think, given that I’ve had very similar dreams in the past. What struck me upon waking is that, once again, it represented my fear of losing control of my emotions and literally becoming unconscious to Divine truth. Being a zombie is symbolic of being asleep to life. Interestingly, I have recently been a little disturbed by the incidents of ‘Black Friday’ in the UK where some people were attacking each other simply to grab so-called ‘bargains.’  In addition, yesterday I was angry to hear that someone had sent me a nice card in the post some days ago and it has not turned up. Unfortunately my area is very bad for cards going missing; it is very likely that someone in the post office is opening them to look for money. I know it is natural to feel angry in such situations; the important thing is being able to let them flow and go.

The first dream was clearly more positive although of course both dreams are important. In the first Cyprus represents a peaceful state of consciousness which I found when I was on holiday there. Although I woke up desperately craving a holiday abroad, I am reminded that higher consciousness is not a place to get to, but a state of mind. Virgin Mary is symbolic of this Christ Consciousness, with the horse representing strength and power, two traits I sometimes feel I lack. The photos seem to suggest peace of mind with the perfect teeth being symbolic of security and beauty. Regardless of any deeper meaning, it was a wonderful feeling to look at the photo of my relative as she would be, beautiful and perfect, without the pain that has shaped her life.

In short, the two dreams seen to represent the polarities; consciousness and unconsciousness, being awake and being asleep. In reality we all switch between those states all the time. I can be really aware one minute and then fall into unconscious patterns the next. I guess it’s part of finding our way through life, experiencing the perils of human existence whilst holding our spiritual truth as we can from one situation to the next.

I am thankful for these wonderful dreams, even the scary ones, for they show me where I’m at.


Posted by: starrystez | December 2, 2014



I seem to be out of words lately so I will use a quote instead. Things in my life have worsened a bit. I am still meditating everyday and feel as connected to myself as I can be, but I am struggling. I’m not sure if this is a common occurrence, but I often find myself praying for the strength to endure life. What makes it harder is being sensitive to vulnerability, my own and other people’s. Reality turns my skin red raw. That’s where I am.

Posted by: starrystez | November 22, 2014

Please Keep The Prayers And Thoughts Coming


Please send thoughts and prayers out for those Americans stuck in severe snow conditions right now.

Originally posted on Petals Unfolding:

image[This picture was taken from my eating room window, from the sill itself to try to express to you how deep this snow is. This photo really does not convey the huge amount of snow you are looking at that stands well over the sill of my window.]


Dearest Friends …. To even try to put into words how deeply touched I am by all your concern, prayers, thoughts, Love, and Light, is not possible. We are living through one of the greatest disasters known to WNY and Lancaster, NY. At times it is terrifying, gut wrenching fear wanting to just take over. That I will not allow to happen.

I am feeling very tired this day, my face pale, my stomach hurting, bouts of dizziness coming and going, and all I want to do is to lay down and sleep. I am not able to do this. My…

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