I had a very interesting dream last night but haven’t yet worked out its meaning. Writing it down can help as often I made sudden associations through the writing process, so here goes. If anyone has any thoughts or comments in response to this dream feel free to leave them, as always.
I was sitting at a table surrounded by a few teachers who I was at secondary (high) school with. They all looked much older than they were back then. There was a book in front of me and I was searching for my name among many others to remind myself what GSCE results I had achieved. (These are the final school qualifications you come away with in the UK). I think I saw a ‘B’ for English, which indeed I did get in real life. I also seem to recall that I did well in biology but badly in physics. This doesn’t reflect real life as I did equally well in all sciences.
I vaguely remember some emotional pain at having no friends. This was the case in real life. I can’t remember much about this in the dream but the pain of being alone stood out.
Anyhow, the main part I remember is this: A woman (perhaps one of my now-elderly teachers) said to me: ‘I thought you were a virgin.’ I was surprised and said ‘No’ but inwardly I was thinking ‘Of course not. I have a son’ (which in real life is true). The teacher then said ‘Do you feel any shame about it’ to which I responded ‘No. It was what it was.’ There was some understanding on my part that she was talking about the shame of not having had sex! This is kind of backwards in religious eyes but nonetheless logical in the dream.
The other thing I remember is gripping onto some kind of material which was meant to be symbolic of something. The same teacher said ‘What does that represent to you?’. She said it was time for a break but that I needed to reflect on what the material meant. I kept thinking ‘Comfort’ but there was a vague understanding that everything was inside me and what was outside didn’t really matter much.
I also remember having to guess how much the contents of a bag were and I said 36p but in fact it was 30p and I lost. I thought to myself that nearly everyone else had won something.
There are clear religious undertones in this dream. What I can’t work out is how they relate to me and why they are back to front. I will start at the beginning. I am sitting at a table which suggests communion or connection, some way of relating to others, or perhaps seeking guidance or advice. Indeed, dreaming of teachers would tie in with this. The fact my teachers are elderly may symbolise inner wisdom; however, these teachers are also figments of the past, suggesting a lesson that has been learnt, or is perhaps outdated. Interestingly, I am searching for my name and my grades as if to prove to myself that I am capable. While looking for my ‘B’ grade I was aware that many others in my class obtained ‘A’s but that my B still proved I had what it takes, as I was in a ‘high’ set. In real life I was in the highest set for English language and literature and, as I mentioned previously, I did indeed come away with a B grade.
Out of interest, I looked up what the letter ‘B’ might mean in a dream. I was surprised by the findings:
The letter B in a dream represents feelings about yourself or some area of your life not being easy. Never having things given to you. Having to earn everything you have. No special treatment.
Negatively, the letter B may represent jealousy of others who always have easier lives or more special treatment than you.
From the Dream Moods Dictionary.
Wow. Sad to say, I often feel like this. I feel like my life has been an endless struggle while many people have it much easier. I wish I could accept my lot gracefully but i find that hard. It is not so much that I want to be ‘special’ but for things to be a little easier. In recent months they have been to an extent and I’m grateful for that. I know that I am no more worthy of having an easier life than the next person and whatever I have is a gift, but this is one area with which I am still trying to find peace.
In my dream I did well in biology, but not in physics. Biology is the essence of life, physics is (perhaps) more the mechanics of what we observe. I’m not too sure of this part but I feel it is relevant that I did well in biology but not in physics. Maybe biology is natural to us whereas physics is the material world we are trying to understand.
I had very few friends at school and this is a source of grief that crops up in dreams from time to time. Along with this is the sense of being alone in life, which of course we all are in essence.
Now the teacher is interesting. She told me she thought I was a virgin. My response is ‘no’ but I thought to myself ‘I have a son.’ A virgin may symbolise the Virgin Mary and my response certainly suggests strong religious symbolism here, but more generally a virgin symbolises one’s potential, purity and innocence. It may refer to a time before the symbolic ‘fall from grace’ whereby life became much more painful. I wonder here if this is actually related to my relationship with my son and that this relates to the shame. I replied ‘It was what it was’ suggesting that I has come to terms with a period in my life, such as the pain of wishing life had been different. The belief that she was referring to sex is actually symbolic of wholeness/oneness, or connection to spirit. So here the shame may also refer to the fall from grace, perhaps my feelings about my life. This is what I mean about the dream being back to front. It needs a bit more reflection but this is what I can come up with in the moment.
My sense of the material I held is that it literally represents everything material. This would also link to the physics grade. I am clinging to worldly things, or perhaps beliefs or feelings, but really everything I need is inside me, growing from its purest potential. Like Virgin Mary, I have given birth to a son, but my feelings about this are complicated and ever evolving. Perhaps this is a reminder to have faith that my life is playing out as it is meant to. It is all the result of Divine Grace.
For the final part of the dream I looked up the two numbers and found something very interesting.
I put my hand into the bag, didn’t feel much, so I guessed it was worth 36p.
The significance of 36:
It is the ratio of individual karma, 6, to the organisation of the universe, 30, and the cosmic solidarity which results from it in the natural cycles.
I compared to the significance of 30, which I was TOLD the bag was worth:
Represents the perfect balance in the cosmic organisation.
Both are taken from ridingthebeast.com/numbers
So I believe that my life is the result of individual karma (36) whereas in fact I am part of the universe which is perfectly balanced (30). In short: trust.
I have no idea whether any of this is what my dream meant but like anything I have to go on trust. At the very least it has given me plenty of food for thought.