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This is a bit of random lightheartedness after all the ‘heavy’ posts lately…
Yesterday I took on the challenge of eating some beetroot after years of deciding I didn’t like it and watching with distaste while others sliced it up and added it to their salad.
Somewhere, way back when, I must’ve tried it, but the actual memory escapes me.
Lately I’ve reverted to buying vegetables from a local farm that delivers each week and I get a variety of veggies in a box. I vowed that I would try different ones and not shy away from any if I could help it.
So last week I found beetroot in my box.
Beetroot is supposed to be extremely good for you.
I told my mum who said, oh beetroot is lovely, try it with vinegar.
Well I had no vinegar so after thoroughly cooking the beetroot and staining my hands and the kitchen surface red, I chopped some up and added it to a salad with mayonnaise instead.
Did I like it? Did I hell!
It was absolutely revolting. The taste, smell, texture, everything about it was just vile. Plus it turned my lovely crisp green salad red.
But my mum insists I should eat it dipped in vinegar as anything else is horrid.
I may wait a while!
If anyone has any ideas on how to cook/prepare beetroot for those less enamoured
I spent a lovely afternoon with my son yesterday, not least because it was the first time I’d seen him since late April/early May. Initially he seemed a bit shy, wouldn’t look at me, but then he kept stealing glances and he had a big smile on his face. It was wonderful from then on. He really connected with me. I’d brought some gifts for him due to not seeing him on his birthday, which he liked, we smacked his red balloon to and fro, and he was laughing in delight when I played a Thomas tank clip on my phone. When he came to my house he would spend ages searching through the Thomas clips on you tube using my laptop, but I doubted he watched any Thomas elsewhere as his dad prefers him to watch more ‘grown up’ stuff. I understand his view, but I also think that if he likes it, let him enjoy it. And so I did.
My ex mother in law, the paternal grandparent, wasn’t particularly friendly, but then I guess my having to go to court for access would make the best of situations awkward. She text me to say ‘don’t get here early’ which was fair enough, but felt a bit curt and hurtful, my perception maybe, but when I got there she didn’t say much at all and stayed out of the way. I was able to tune her out and my focus had to be my son anyway, but there was sadness lingering over how the relationship between myself and my son’s other family might have been. That’s always the key isn’t it: MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
What really bothers me, aside from the horrible period of no contact with my son and how that might’ve affected us both, is the total lack of compassion. I find it really disturbing how someone I loved once could show so little disregard for the mother of our child and act in ways people can consider cruel. I understand that he is probably frustrated due to my refusal (in his eyes) to have our son longer, and so I expect it is easier to blame me than try to understand my limitations and hear that, actually, they frustrate me to hell and back too. Because I’d have had our son full time if I could. Like I did, up until 2011. But his father won’t hear any of this. He sees a scapegoat, someone to blame and project all his inner wounds and hatred onto.
The stronger side of me is unaffected by this because I know he is playing out what he needs to play out and that the important thing is I have contact with my son. If it has to be on his father’s terms, so be it. That doesn’t matter. Ego isn’t at play here. I have no actual problem with visiting my son at his paternal nan’s home other than the grief I feel that he won’t be coming to my house for the foreseeable future. Realistically I know this is how it has to be, at least for the time being. If his father feels the need to make further allegations against me, I know the evidence stands in my favour and all that basically matters is safeguarding my right to see my son. All else can play out in the hands of fate. I don’t really care what they think of me. Only what my son thinks.
But of course there is the hurt, wounded, little girl inside me who knows how it feels to be bullied and rejected and disliked. She knows what it’s like to walk inside a house where no one really wants her and be reminded of a terrible past where she was fighting to belong for her survival. She wants to avoid that pain at all costs. She wants to be heard and understood and accepted for who she is. She wants to be believed and trusted.
The path of life is never without major hurdles. I can’t avoid the route my hurt child self wants to take me down. I can’t forget the memories or render them useless. They matter because my inner child does, she matters in the sense I see her in the eyes of my own son and we both need to know we are loved as completely and unconditionally as any human can love another. In that love we connect with Spirit and we are strong. This enables me to walk the path of wholeness, embracing the shadow to enter the light more fully.
I relate to many of these ego-traps and I’m sure I’m not the only one. However, the idea is to notice them and not get caught in yet another trap of trying to avoid them, which will only give the ego more power. Awareness is everything because in awareness illusion slips away.
Originally posted on Deus Nexus:
In my travels through life as a spiritual teacher, spiritual psychologist, and disciple on the path, I have become aware of many of the pitfalls and traps of the spiritual path. I consider myself somewhat of an expert on this subject for I have fallen into most of them.
I highly recommend you meditate and concentrate very deeply on the following list. Although very short on words, they are profound in insight. My purpose in sharing these with you is to save you suffering, karma, and delay in your path of ascension that comes from not learning these lessons. The spiritual path is very…
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Today I woke up realising that despite everything I’m joyful and grateful.
Access to my son has been resumed…
Despite my father’s horrible illness, we both have the opportunity to gain some degree of closure through awareness that his earthly life will soon be over, and thus our time together has never been more precious and meaningful…
My mother is currently doing well…
It is a gorgeously sunny and hot day where I am…
My lovely dog is ever faithful…
And last but certainly not least, I’m alive. None of what has happened to me during the course of my life has killed me. On the contrary, I believe I am stronger because of it. Even when I believed certain words or events would destroy me, they didn’t. If they destroyed anything at all, it was just the illusion of me because nothing that is real can ever be destroyed.
In last night’s dream I was scared of swimming across a giant pool, but I was given arm bands and goggles and told to ‘open my eyes’ when I reached the wall so that I didn’t crash into it. Despite my fear, I glided quickly across without effort and did remember to open my eyes.
This morning i was laying on the blanket soaking up the sun when a grasshopper landed beside me. The grasshopper totem reminded me once more of the ‘leap of faith’ each of us are asked to take throughout our lives, and the uncircumstantial joy that comes when we immerse ourselves in that faith, with the accompanying knowledge that all truly is well, even if appearances tell us the opposite.
For today, at least, I rest in my uncircumstantial joy.